Eating the entire pizza takes commitment...

the hunt for gelatin free gel desserts

2011-06-20T10:58:00.002-04:00

I've been on a quest to find gelatin free gel (jello style) desserts. Their are some delicious box brands you can order online or if you're lucky enough to have a health food store near you (or a well stocked metro-style grocer), you can find some there too. I, however, like instant gratification and live NO WHERE near a health food store that carries these powdered box brands...that's right no whole foods or co-op here or with in an hour's drive. This is what I found at the regular markets here:

Hunt's snack-pack fruit gels in sugar free or regular = these are on the shelf, not in the cooler and are pretty freaking AWESOME! The sugarless run 5-10 calories, the regular under 100. You can get a 4 pack for about $1. They were tricky to find though and selection was VERY limited and only a couple packs were stocked.

Kozy shack smart gels in sugar free and original = These are located in the cooler section with the regular jello cups. Can you say delicious?! This is pretty close to what I remember jello being. Again between 5-10 calories for sugar free and under 100 for original. You get a six pack for around $2. Easier to locate and better stocked.

I really wish I could find a good non-gelatin, sugar-free, powder...but until then Kozy and Hunt's it is!

Izo cleanze update

2011-05-21T16:22:00.003-04:00

So this is a little past due, BUT. I did the Izo Cleanze for just over a week. It was a little difficult at times because I adore food, BUT the results were pretty stellar! I am back on food again and will probably do a juice cleanse once a month or so for a few days.

I felt really good after the cleanse. Food tasted amazing afterward. Day 2 was the most difficult. I didn't have any "healing crisis" or monster eliminations that a lot of people seem to have. Skin texture and tone has improved. Lost about .93 pounds per day while on the cleanse (and consuming at least 1600-2000cal per day from the juice and according to my scale my body fat percentage went down significantly, so it was mostly all fat loss despite people saying it is all water and/or muscle weight).

My conclusion about the home version of IZO Cleanze is that it's a nutrient dense, raw, liquid, vegan diet. It works and actually follows basic metabolic principles of an alkaline diet, mixed with the benefits of a raw/vegan and liquid diet. If you haven't researched the benefits of an alkaline based diet, you may want to...it's pretty snazzy. Benefits include balancing the natural PH of the body internally, returning blood and organs to a self healing status, people who are under weight tend to gain weight, and people over weight tend to lose weight, returning a respectable amount of elasticity to the skin, some personal stories have included mass healing of various ailments including some very serious ones like cancers, parasites, etc...pretty impressive studies have been done on this approach and the list of benefits goes on.

Anyways it makes logical sense if you are into metabolic studies. If you're a die hard modern medicine enthusiast this probably won't be your cup of tea.

Here is the IZO Cleanze website if anyone is interested in their home version, their delivery version, or any of their products (I have not tried any of their products or their delivery service).

http://www.izocleanze.com/index.php

Master Cleanse out, IZOcleanze in!

2011-05-04T09:57:00.002-04:00

So I was on master cleanse for a few days, and nothing was happening...no healing crisis, no sense of well being....for better or for worse I wasn't feeling anything...so I while doing some research to find out if that might be normal I stumble across IZOcelanze. WAY cool, way healthy, way tastier, and physically feeling wonderful! I'm excited to get some emotional/mental wellness from all this nutrient dense juice...but so far just physical, but I'll take it!

master cleanse day 1

2011-04-28T22:33:00.002-04:00

Day one is going relatively well. It's about 10:33PM and I haven't experienced any major food cravings or real hunger til now. Even though I did the salt flush this morning and the herbal laxative tea I haven't had any additional bowel movements apart from my usual schedule.

The book says if one is extremely toxic it could take up to 3 days for the body to start detoxing, but I don't have any other symptoms of being super toxic...so we shall see.

Time for some spicy lemonade xP

Master Cleanse Challenge

2011-04-27T14:52:00.002-04:00

The Master Cleanse is a relatively old cleansing routine that gained popularity in the early 2000s due to celebrity followings. Since then it has lost most of it's popularity among the general public, but is still one of the most followed cleanses/detoxes followed by the holistic community.

Enter me:

A friend of mine regularly does mini juice fasts, and detoxes. She's totally holistic in her approach to wellness...admirable, but not my dig. I use more home remedies than most of the people I know, but I also go to a regular doctor and don't give too much worry about taking prescription drugs once in awhile if I am seriously ill...anyway, she recently took the minimal 10 day master cleanse and determined; "amazing".

I had heard of it for years, since I do tend to follow celebrity 'news', but thought it sounded ridiculous. BUT now I know someone personally who has tried it and really feels it's pretty "amazing" (her words exactly). So I research on the internet...lots of pros, cons, differences in what people call the "master cleanse". So I seek out the original author, read his book (more like a pamphlet) and get another book with updated information on the original cleanse. It thoroughly explains the reasoning behind the use of lemons or limes, the pure maple or pure agave syrup (and the differences between the grades and colors), the laxative teas, the sea salt rinses, the cayenne pepper, why you should seek out the organic and best quality of these ingredients for optimum results, how to and how not to mix and when to take the mixes, how to come off the cleanse, why stopping a cleanse in the middle is dangerous and so much information about the ins, outs, expectations, and how to amp up the cleanse with other holistic treatments (vita-flex and color therapy).

Oh the book that I am following is "The Complete Master Cleanse" by Tom Woloshyn

After reading the book cover to cover I realized that MOST people and sites online explaining the master cleanse are in fact not doing it properly. Even just reading most of the book would end up not properly following the cleanse. So here I go!

Tonight I start preparing for the cleanse by drinking an herbal laxative tea (I am using Yogi brand herbal laxative tea). And then tomorrow the true cleanse starts! I'm excited and nervous about what might be coming out physically and emotionally (as the book describes).

I'll keep you updated!

Two bits of info

2011-03-03T12:00:00.002-05:00

So lately I have been getting really frustrated when I can't physically do something. Nursing school, doing all my house work at once, walk for more than 15 minutes, stand for more than 30 minutes, sit for more than 40 minutes, twist, bend, lift things over 10-15 pounds, work...there are literally so many things I was used to being able to do all at once, and ALL BY MYSELF. It's emotionally and mentally draining. I need to remind myself more that I AM IMPROVING. Improving faster than my doctor anticipated. I also need to remind myself that I had major surgery TWO MONTHS AGO! That really is not that long ago when put into context.

So I am trying to stay positive and give myself props where props are due, and an emotional break where breaks are due. Boosts seem to be few and far between...but what a great day to get a boost!! I got my class schedule for online university today (can't physically go to regular school, so I decided to start something I can do)!

I'm so stoked I can't stand it! I start April 4, 2011! Finally something to focus on, put effort into, give me purpose, and better myself (especially since all of my workable skills require physical stamina that I may never regain)...this online school thing is good for me! I've taken online classes before, but never an entire program. I'm excited to see how I like it. I enjoy online classes and enjoy the independence they provide, so hopefully a full program will be just as enjoyable :-)

Who knows what will come of this, but I'm hoping for something personally rewarding in the long run. I enrolled in the AD program and have the option after I graduate to continue online towards a BS in legal studies. Which would be wicked and could lead to something else!

I haven't felt this optimistic about my life and future for quite some time. To be honest the past 7 months have been an emotional and mental roller coaster with everything surrounding my stupid back injury. I've been really down and out and am so thankful I found something interesting that I am able to do right now instead of waiting (MORE) for recovery enough to participate in regular life.

It's a good day!

Apology to the woman in pink Chanel.

2011-02-27T20:35:00.002-05:00

I once, very harshly, judged you. Shopping at 3am in a Pittsburgh Walmart all I saw was your outfit (head to toe pink Chanel suit and hand bag), your purchases (groceries I couldn't afford), and how you paid for them (an access card). My immediate observation was all the information I needed to make my decision that you were taking advantage of the system. That I was footing your bill and you obviously weren't deserving. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I truly am.

I admit I had some guilt, at first, about judging you. Guilt that was quickly killed by other people's response to my story about being line behind you and having to pay for dog food in change because I was terminally broke. And you in your designer clothes buying steak and fish with your access card. Everyone hypothetically grabbed a pitch fork and marched right behind my angry and uninformed opinions. No one...NO ONE came to your defense. No one gave you the benefit of the doubt that perhaps you had simply fallen on exceedingly hard times. You were the putrid enemy sucking the life out of the tax payers. I'm so sorry.

When I look back, it doesn't make sense to accuse you of such a thing. You were shopping at 3am, for groceries, at the only 24 hour store in the area...for the same reason I was...I was ashamed to be seen paying for dog food with ALL of my money, in change. You were ashamed to be seen paying with your access card. I'm so sorry.

You wore the outfit that maybe your mum or sister bought for you...for job interviews, or just to make you feel better...maybe you actually found it at good will, maybe it was something you had before you were financially desperate...where ever it came from, I know why you chose to wear it. Had you worn overly casual clothes people would assume you were lazy and may have even said under their breath "get a fucking job like the rest of us". Maybe it was one of the only things that helped you feel you were portraying an everyday American worker that just needed some temporary help, so that maybe, JUST MAYBE, people (like me) would be more compassionate...You were screwed either way, but I understand your thinking now that I look at it closer. You were dressed in full business attire at 3am, grocery shopping, at walmart...I get it. And I'm sorry.

The humiliation you must have experienced as I came into the only open check-out line right behind you, before you had a chance to pay, had to be all consuming. You had almost made it without anyone but the cashier realizing you were on food stamps. You didn't make eye contact, even though through my unjust anger and hate for you, I was prepared to offer my best polite smile...you were very aware I was there. I'm sure you could feel my disgust at that moment...I'm sorry.

I've thought of you over the last 7 years quite often (I really have always felt bad about my lack of empathy in that situation), but never more than recently. I hope your life is magnificent. I'd like to think you have 5 or 6 Chanel suits that you were able to buy brand new for yourself! I'd like to think you no longer have to wait til 3am to do your grocery shopping! I hope you no longer choose to avoid making eye contact. I hope you're 'twirling on hills' kind of happy. I really wish you the absolute best :-)

Life can be so unexpectedly humbling. If you would prefer this apology in person, you can find me grocery shopping at walmart in about 6 hours, praying no one gets in line behind me.

my 2010 picks

2011-02-02T03:37:00.000-05:00

Bethany's 2010 end of the year make-up and skin picks!

10. Rimmel Stay Matte Pressed Powder

PRICE: Under $5.00

Why I love it: Great for setting your foundation when you apply it with a LARGE FLAT buki/kabuki brush rather than the traditional pressed powder 'puff'. Cheap enough you won't cuss if you drop it on the floor, which seems to be my lot when it comes to powder. Great as a base for highlighter and contouring powder.

What it isn't: If you have oily skin, do NOT expect this product to last all day in a matte capacity. I highly suggest you use this product SPARINGLY...no one wants face cake.

9. Ardell Professional Pack Lashes

Price: Under $20.00

Why I love them: These bad boys come in packs of six, in long, medium, short, and luckies. They require MINIMUM trimming for a full lash and are excellent if you're new to synthetic lashes and need some "wiggle room" in your learning curve.

What they aren't: They are not perma lashes. Don't expect to sleep in these puppies. These particular lashes are not as bold as some others available from the same company.

8. Lancome Juicy Tubes

Price: Around $20.00

Why I love it: This has been my all time favorite lip gloss for the better of 10 years. If you're NOT a lip licker this gloss is wicked long lasting, liquidy sheen, smells amazing, AND comes in awesome tints (special limited edition and seasonal tints are fabulous!). Fav tints: Dreamsicle, Fruity pop, Hallucination, Spring Fling, Touched by Light.

What it isn't: This is not a lip stick. If you are a lip licker, or don't like the feel of a thick gloss, this is NOT for you.

7. Clinique Take The Day Off Makeup Remover

Price: Under $20.00

Why I love it: This stuff gets my concrete mascara off with out irritating my eyes. With this product I can remove waterproof mascara with a Q-tip . Also works as an all over make-up remover. Great for all skin types, great for sensitive skin washes clean away. If you're used to over the counter remover, you'll need to use quite a bit less.

What it's not: This is NOT a substitute for washing your face. This may sound silly, but if you don't know how to use make-up remover properly there is going to be a lot of extra tugging. rubbing, and pouring going on...especially with long lasting, waterproof, smudge proof etc etc.

6. *Maybelline Dream Satin Liquid Foundation*

Price: Well this is tricky...as far as I know this product is NOT available in the U.S.A. You CAN find it online if you're persistent. If you're lucky enough to find it from a UK distributor you'll get the lowest price of about $15.00 US plus shipping, if you find it elsewhere (out of the USA and UK) be prepared to pay double that plus shipping.

Why I love it: Although Maybelline is a drugstore brand, and drugstore foundation has been my enemy for years, this particular foundation has a very desirable texture. Smooth, medium coverage, if you think you have large pores you'll dig this make-up...REDUCES the look of your pores even close up. Good make-up for photography.

What it's not: It's not available in the USA and getting your hands on some if you do live here can be more than a little exhausting. If you aren't a make-up hound it may not be worth your time, effort, and dollars to track it down. After all there are PLENTY of good department store and a few professional brand foundation that require far less work to find and are about the same end price of $20-$40 USD. Some say that the Maybelline Dream Mousse Foundation is the American version of the Dream Satin Liquid...Sorry kids, it's NOT. Different feel, different look, different application...Dream Satin Liquid is a FAR superior product than the Dream Mousse (but DM isn't all bad and at under $8.00 a pop, AND available at pretty much every drugstore in the US, it has it's place...just not on my list since I am still bitter about my dream satin liquid).

5. L’oreal Volume Shocking Mascara

Price: The price for this product fluctuates between $5.00-$15.00 depending on where you buy it and your over all location.

Why I love it: First off it's a dual product. One side is lash primer, the other, mascara. The primer rocks, the mascara rocks. No smudging, or budging, even on wicked oily skin and watery eyes (I only use waterproof so I can't vouch for the regular formula). The mascara applicator is in comb form so you really get control over your lashes. If you're not used to this kind of applicator give it some time, you'll LOVE it once you get the hang of it. Once you master the comb you can be as dainty or wicked as you like with the amount. I can use this on a gloss and mascara only day, OR it can respectfully stand up to bold liquid liners and full make-up. Great product!

What it isn't: This is not a "remove with soap and water" product. You're going to need make-up remover...and just to squash all of your hopes and dreams of getting away with using baby oil (which is ok in a pinch with some stuff) forget it. You NEED a good remover (like my #7 pick!). This is also probably not the best mascara for first time make-up users. This product requires a little more precision than a run of the mill mascara, but nothing that should scare the seasoned wearer away.

4. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizer (AKA The Yellow)

Price: Under $25.00

Why I love it: My all time favorite moisturizer. Gives a good natural glow. Makes my make-up go on smooth. This is another "good for all skin types" product. It does wonders on my oily dehydrated skin on my face, and on my dry skin on my elbows (yeah I know, but I put it on my elbows too), and I even use it around my eyes. The science behind it is that it is the closest make up to your skin's natural hydrating properties. For those that prefer a lighter texture to the traditional lotion...it now comes in moisturizing gel. Brilliant. Firm believer this product improves the texture of your skin (and if you use the 3-step and a surface exfoliater even better results).

What it isn't: This product is everything! It will even pleasure you in bed! Nah just kidding. It is not complete skin care. It is part of a good complete skin care regime, but one lotion does not a pretty face make. This product, as much as I love it, it not an anti-aging or exfoliating moisturizer. Obviously good skin care can be anti-aging, but if you're looking for a regenerating, or acidic product, this isn't your bird.

3. Urban Decay Eye Palette in Urban Ammo

Price: Under $40.00

Why I love it: In this palette you get TEN shadows!! TEN SHADOWS for UNDER $40.00! The hue names may sound slightly disgusting, but truly great colors. This palette contains enough variety for every color eyes, and enough variety to take you from a neutral/natural to a smokey/vamp eye. The "bright" colors are easily played with to to suit all comfort levels. This is my #1 "for everyone" palette. Great way to extend your color collection and start playing around with layered shadows if it's something new for you. List of the colors: Palette includes Eyeshadows in Smog (deep coppery bronze), Maui Wowie (sandy sheen), Mildew (shimmering metallic green), Shattered (bright iridescent aquamarine), Oil Slick (black with rainbow glitter), Polyester Bride (sheer white shimmer), Last Call (iridescent plummy purple), Grifter (sparkling pale purple), Chopper (shimmering fawn with glitter), and Sin (light shimmering champagne).

What it's not: This is not a complete kit (like many of their palettes). It is simply shadow, which is why it's such a great price. You will need to get a good brush set, eye liners, mascara, etc etc. But your shadow is covered ;-)

2. Physicians Formula Summer Eclipse Bronzing and Shimmering Face Powder

Price: Under $12.00

Why I love it: This pressed bronzer comes in three shades that over all are very universal for highlighting and/or contouring. PROPER application is VITAL when it comes to bronzer. Don't let the Jersey reality shows turn you off it! Use a LARGE FLAT buki/kabuki brush. Apply in light up and outward strokes. Noone will be able to tell you're wearing bronzer...it is meant to be subtle. When applied properly it reflects light and gives a subtle healthful, youthful glow to skin. I can wear this over full make-up or just over moisturizer. If you're make-up savvy use as a highlighting/contouring product depending on your skin tone, and even as a base or dust for eyes and brow bones.

What it isn't: This is not a "tanner". Do not try to use as such. You'll look stupid and everyone outside of South Jersey will laugh at you.

1. B Beaute Expert Brows

Price: Under $7.00

Why I love it: These brow shapers are an ideal solution for the ever changing brow trend. Each pack comes with 3 shapers. Basically a tiny little straight razor...lol sounds dangerous >:-P but they are AWESOME! I am not a fan of tweezing or waxing my brows. Both can lead to permanent hair loss with constant use (no one wants to be browless!). Fast, cheap, easy...minimal effort, maximum result. Like a day hooker but without the Hep B.

What they aren't: These are not stencils. You must have an idea of the shape you want and have a fairly steady hand (less than you need with tweezing).

BONUS PICK!!

Blistex Lip Medex

Price: Under $1.00

Why I love it: Well moisturized, properly exfoliated lips in a little tub. Nice lips make everything on your face 100Xbetter. Great lip treatment.

What it isn't: This is not a gloss and has little use if you try to use it over other products.

These opinions in no way represent the opinions or views of any company, other individual, or group and are the sole opinion of the author.

To be or not to be, is not a question, because there is no choice.

2011-01-05T12:46:00.002-05:00

I live in a constant tidal wave of unbridled passion for performance. I NEED it to survive. It is IN me, part of me, there is nothing else. Like breathing, I perform automatically, without thinking about it, without realizing it...Just like breathing, I can stop temporarily, but it can not last. Before long I gasp out of biological NEED sucking in and exhaling frantically, uncontrollably. It is not a choice, it is vital.

I perform every day. On my own, in public...but not in a traditional sense. When alone I have constant dialogue running through my head. I go about my daily living as if an audience is peeking through my windows. When I walk into a store I carry myself based on whatever imaginary character possesses me that day, talk like her, walk like her, drive like her, become her in every sense of the word. I don't have moods, I have characters. It is automatic. Every situation ignites performance. Performance that no one realizes. Every reaction, every word, every drop of every emotion, every facial expression, and every body movement...EVERYTHING I do is for the benefit of my audience. Whether to make them (you) laugh, cry, be angry, feel pity, or just gawk...I have no control over it. It bursts from my every pore, drips from my voice, radiates from my eyes. It possesses and engulfs me, almost drowns me.

I make up back stories and a completely fictional life when strangers stop to speak with me. Sometimes I'm foreign, haven't always been female, I'm tragic, I'm stupid, deaf, high status, low status, ex convict, sweet, psychotic...I don't even realize I'm doing it until it's too late to try to stop and just "be normal". The longer they speak to me the more elaborate my performance becomes.

When in a controlled performance with a knowing audience I am most at peace. I feel the warmth of flame grow from my core and stretch out to my limbs, extending past my own body. I am not "playing" a role. I AM that person, that person IS me, in that situation, and I can only react honestly. I'm in the pub and I can smell the stale alcohol, taste the air heavy with cheap cigarettes, hear the argument 4 tables down between two young jealous lovers, the stickiness of the counter lingers on my finger tips, I feel the stares of patrons, and I feel the pain of being ignored by the tender, becoming more anxious to gain his attention and fill my glass... Lines and reactions flow out as naturally as they are my own. Performance is the ONLY REAL thing. Everything else feels synthetic to me.

The more I try to control or suppress this need, the more despair, isolation, and raw misery I inflict on myself. It is not possible for me to live without performing. It is NOT possible for me to live with out breathing.

There is no questioning, because there is no choice.

I got some good advice the other day...

2010-12-18T21:45:00.002-05:00

ALL boys are the SAME, so find one you like to look at and keep LOTS of booze on hand.

In other news, I am too cool for my own good. This has become a problem.

day dreaming is bad...

2010-11-13T12:10:00.001-05:00

This is pretty interesting article about how day dreaming and a wandering mind may be the "cause of unhappiness".

This explains so much! :-)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20101111/sc_livescience/mindwanderingmayleadtoabadmood

pain and phoneless

2010-09-11T19:29:00.002-04:00

I was injured a couple months ago and I am still in pain. Today it is particularly painful due to hunting down lost ferrets yesterday and doing some cleaning today (the cleaning HAD to happen today, or all hope would be lost). So here I am in a mound of crippling pain and my phone breaks...so if anything happens I have no means to call 911...if I fall and can't get up I'm pretty much fucked until someone decides they need to borrow a dvd from me.

I'm cranky...I don't mind spending saturdays in provided I COULD go out if I wanted to...but since I have no way of knowing what's going on with anyone it makes me anxious to go out...which will not happen because I'm all gimpy today and would have to hunt people down since I have no phone! AACCKKKK

2010-07-27T16:17:00.004-04:00

Everyone wants to have "good neighbors". Yet so few of us are good neighbors ourselves. Where ever we find worthiness, we must praise it. Where ever we find unworthiness, we must trace it.

UGH

2010-07-11T22:35:00.002-04:00

I have a serious case of wander-lust. I also would like the hippies to hurry up with my gosh darn books!!

2010-07-01T19:44:00.001-04:00

I'm very thankful I don't have small teeth and big gums. Sounds shallow because it is. I'm still very thankful.

You should sit down for this...

2010-06-20T13:08:00.002-04:00

I love my church! I never expected to utter those words under my breath, let alone enthusiastically proclaim so. But I do. Today the sermon was again woven with personal touches and comic relief. It had a real lesson that I could easily put in context to my own life by the way it was presented...casually and humorously. I really love that. And the BEST part about today was the special prayer for animals, animal caretakers, and those that work to help animals, and especially the animals that are suffering.

Since this is something near and dear to my heart, if not a vital part of my being, it really hit a special note for me. Not only because of the energy and focus put on the animals and caretakers, but because someone else noticed how important it is...whether noticed it is important on it's own, or recognized it is important to me...I was touched not only by the thought but by the actual prayer offered, and the silent meditation of the people attending today.

Well Done!!

Watch out for black holes

2010-06-14T14:23:00.002-04:00

With little to do midday on a Monday, I decided to try my luck with the tele. I was hoping to find a good cartoon, or maybe something cool on the history channel, or something about UFOs, sharks, or perhaps some good infomercials. My hope was rapidly decreasing when I saw the title on my guide "100% black holes". "BONUS!! I LOVE SPACE JUNK! (no pun intended)"

I press select...I am gleefully awaiting to be transported to a world of sciencey goodness, celestial bodies of gas and ice, and the inescapable power of the mighty BLACK HOLE!! I was jolted from my excitement by something that can only be described as 100% black holes...

It was not the lovely science informatic delight I was expecting but a bunch of raunchy black "whore" holes being crammed with various objects. "YO! WTF?" My eyes were assaulted. I swiftly changed the channel to bonanza. Next time a title appeals to me I must remember to look at the channel name and show description before I *select*...

stupid laws:

2010-06-10T21:58:00.001-04:00

Thanks Yahoo News:

Alabama
It’s illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Alaska
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited.

Arizona
Cutting down a cactus may earn you a twenty-five-year prison term.

Arkansas
It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.

California
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub.

Colorado
It’s unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor (Denver).

Connecticut
A pickle cannot actually be a pickle unless it bounces.

Delaware
It’s illegal to get married on a dare.

Washington, D.C.
It’s against the law to post a public notice calling someone a coward for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.

Florida
If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle.

Georgia
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first.

Hawaii
All residents may be fined for not owning a boat.

Idaho
A man must not give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing fewer than fifty pounds.

Illinois
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago).

Indiana
The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415.

Iowa
One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Kansas
It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits (Natoma).

Kentucky
Every citizen is required to take a shower once a year.

Louisiana
Biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault.

Maine
If you keep your Christmas decorations on display after January 14, you’ll be fined.

Maryland
It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how dirty it is (Baltimore).

Massachusetts
No gorilla is allowed in the backseat of any car.

Michigan
A woman may not cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

Minnesota
It’s illegal to paint a sparrow with the intent of selling it as a parakeet (Harper Woods).

Mississippi
Walking a dog without dressing it in diapers is forbidden (Temperance).

Missouri
Children may buy shotguns in Kansas City, but not toy cap guns.

Montana
It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.

Nebraska
Bar owners may not sell beer unless they brew a kettle of soup simultaneously.

Nevada
It’s illegal for men with mustaches to kiss women.

New Hampshire
It’s forbidden to sell the clothes you’re wearing to pay off a gambling debt.

New Jersey
It’s against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

New Mexico
Females may not appear unshaven in public.

New York
While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door.

North Carolina
It’s against the law to sing off-key.

North Dakota
It’s illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio
You must honk the horn whenever you pass another car, according to the state’s driver’s education manual.

Oklahoma
It’s forbidden to take a bite out of another person’s hamburger.

Oregon
State law requires dishes to be drip-dried.

Pennsylvania
It’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

Rhode Island
You may not bite off another person’s leg.

South Carolina
If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise.

South Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Tennessee
Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden.

Texas
You may not shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

Utah
It is illegal not to drink milk.

Vermont
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Virginia
Tickling a woman is unlawful.

Washington
It’s illegal to pretend that one’s parents are wealthy.

West Virginia
If you make fun of someone who does not accept a challenge, you risk a six-month prison sentence.

Wisconsin
Unless a customer specifically requests it, margarine may not be substituted for butter in a restaurant.

Wyoming
Unless you have an official permit, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April.

Once Upon a Time...I had problems...

2010-06-06T20:51:00.003-04:00

My mum asked me today what helped pull me out...and I couldn't think of anything....just like when she once asked me what was causing the problem I couldn't answer because in fact it was not a singular thing that caused it...and now I realize the same is true for fixing it...there is not one "cure". Here are the things that Helped:

1. a job that allows me to live (even if it's in poverty) on my own..AND THIS ONE IS HUGE!

2. a hobby NOT involving television, gaming, numbers (i.e. any kind of equation or finding end results), or "collecting" (I started cooking, reading, painting, sewing, online auctioning, creative writing) even if I'm terrible at it.

3. meditation... I used a whirlpool theory so often that just the word calms me now: A whirlpool is dangerous, it sucks you in and pulls you down, the more you fight the pull the longer and stronger it holds you until you drown, very frantic and desperate (how life feels)...but if you relax, take in a deep breath and let the violent current take you unchallenged, it gracefully spits you out to safety once it's battled and bruised you, it's scary and you may get water in your lungs, but you don't drown. "Don't fight life's current, the pull will release you in it's own time, and not a moment too soon"

4. avoiding face to face contact with people (even those I love) that are triggers for me.

5. avoiding ANY contact with toxic people (even those I love)

6. start over with a new friend: Re-evaluate the things in my life and based on those new discoveries seek out ONE person (in real life or online) who has that similarity that you didn't know before.

7. Get outside every day. Even if I just linger while taking the trash out, or sit on the stoop for 5 minutes. Do it without talking on the phone.

8. exercise...no really...and not like crazy work outs...10 minutes a day doesn't do MUCH for you physically...but mentally it's an accomplishment FYI I started with 1 minute when things were really bad and it was a struggle to motivate any part of my being.

9. I smile and say "Hi" to everyone I pass when walking on a sidewalk...and smile at everyone I pass every where else. Odd but true...there is something very kindred about basic human connection.

10. Personal Care...sounds obvious but it's HUGE...bath, brush teeth, wash clothes...seems simple but it can really be a burden some times

11. realizing that my life experience is UNIQUE...no one else will have my life experience and I won't have anyone else's. There is a strange comfort in that.

12. Binary Mantra I say this out loud and even have it recorded on my computer to listen to at night:

"If I do not depend on thoughts, memories, emotions, associations, perceptions, and body sensations what does being __________ or __________ even mean?"

*imperfect/perfect
*worthless/worthy
*inadequate/adequate
*alone/connected
*incomplete/complete
*powerless/powerful
*unlovable/lovable
*out of control/in control
*crazy/sane
*trapped/free
*unsafe/safe
*talented/untalented

any two binaries...and I actually listen to every word of the mantra really focusing on exactly what that means. At first I thought this would make me feel insignificant...it had the EXACT opposite effect. It made me feel whole and calm and wiped out all expectations other than being myself.

13. Pets...now I am not one to say everyone should get a pet...but I am one of those people that truly needs animal interaction every day in some form...watching animals outside (like squirrels, birds...), talking/petting dogs that are being walked, my own animal friends that live with me....one thing that doesn't work is interaction at a pet store or shelter because the need to protect goes into hyper drive and red alert.

14. Making a point to eat some kind of fresh food every day (be that vegetables or fruits) something fresh and preferably raw AT LEAST once a day.

15. Just focus on the exact day or next 12 hours, or hour or 15 minutes...the sense of accomplishment and true control over your actions is priceless. Does the day stress me out?...If I feel overwhelmed I often will do a task at 100% for 2 minutes...period because that's all I can take before I fall into the abyss. Then I do whatever I want for 30 minutes...then another 2 minutes at 100% eventually I don't need such long breaks to finish the day or task.

16. Letters from my Mum. Sounds funny but several times my Mum has written me physical letters with words of acknowledgment that things have not always been right for me...whether by my own hand, the hands of others, or the fate of the world. There was no blame or finger, just acknowledgment. The weight lifted from something that simple was SIGNIFICANT.

17. Both my Mum and my sister have sent me care packages or come to visit or I visited and got to spend one on one time with them. Again the idea that someone would spend their time with me with no other human diversions goes a long way. The most impact is when ONE of them and myself got together. On the downside when the visit is over the abyss can seem extra hostile...so it was most useful later, but it did help overall in the long run during all phases.

18. One more mantra: any statement hindering you...ask who told you that...and state the mind. Even if someone told you this 5 minutes ago, it's the mind that's telling you now. The mind wants to protect you and keep you from changing...homeostatis is the minds primary objective, it is where it feels safe. Take away the fear and it's ability...it really works.

"I am a failure.... who told you that?.... The mind"
"I'm worthless...who told you that...the mind"

Some things that I think would have helped that I didn't have at the time:

1. Someone to 100% openly talk to about EVERYTHING...it's the secretive nature that makes things so desperate.

2. Human touch is underrated. The amount of healing involved in a hug, hand shake, pat on the back, head on the shoulder etc etc is unbelievable, especially to someone who is not particularly "touchy". This kind of connection one gets when someone naturally and unforcibly touches him/her (in a non-sexual way) goes beyond words. It really brings a sense of safety and community in a weird way...think "there's power in numbers" aka "I'm not alone"

3. Someone to realize that if I was asking for help, it really was my LAST and ONLY option. Asking for anything is humiliating and weak. To crawl up out of the mud long enough to beg for any kind of help really is the most desperate thing and never asking for the true extent of your needs, just whatever you need to get yourself by for the next day is the only thing you can get yourself to beg for. For anyone, who has a personality close to mine, to ask for help, EVER, even if they consistently ask, it's not because they are lazy, or need tough love, it's because they HONESTLY and DESPERATELY need help. You can believe they are getting all the "tough" they need from themselves, self loathing, and worthlessness...adding a strict hand only adds to the idea they are not worth saving.

this was last nights monologue

2010-05-21T11:24:00.003-04:00

this is what I was given...it's a generic monologue with no additional story, it is up to the actor to make it into something:

Generic Monologue ONE:

It was so awful when I told her. She didn't believe me. She thought I was making it up. No matter how hard I tried to convince her, she didn't believe my story. She said I must have serious mental problems to make up such far out lies. That's what she said.

But you believe me don't you? 'Cause if you don't, I think I'll go crazy. Trust me. It's the truth. The whole truth. Nothing but the truth. So help me God. I mean you do believe me don't you? Come on! You of all people.

This is how I did it:

(the scene is a bed room where there is obviously 3 roommates and a dog sharing the space...one roommate and the dog are missing from the scene)

(One roommate is sitting on the bed holding an empty dog leash looking upset. I walk in wiping something from my hands)

RM1 Looks at me accusingly holding up the leash waiting for an explanation

I sit down on the bed looking distraught, taking the leash and fumbling with it

looking very upset "It was so..." (slight smirk) "awful when I told her"

smiling now in a satisfied way "she didn't believe me"

obviously trying to control my smile "she thought I was making it up."

I look at RM1's face trying to see her true reaction...I straighten my face and posture, still fumbling with the leash.

"She said" (start wrapping the leash tightly between both hands)I must have serious mental problems (snapping the leash tight between my hands with each word of "mental problems)

I look at RM1 again searching for a clue to her true reaction while I finish the line "...to make up such far out lies"

I get up and walk around slowly behind RM1 casually

"But you do believe me don't you?" (dripping with suspicion)

(quickly wrap the leash around her neck in a choking manner while saying the line)
"Cause if you don't..."

Pause put my face close to the side of her face examining it coldly, deciding I know what's up I slowly inhale very close to her cheek (because I can smell her fear, or I think I can) then whisper "I think I'll go crazy"

I quickly moved to her opposite ear and in a coaxing voice whisper "trust me"

I resume my body weight behind her and begin to pull the leash tighter across her throat during the next lines struggling to kill her:

"IT'S THE TRUTH!, THE WHOLE TRUTH (I put my foot on the bed to get maximum choking ability, since she is struggling), NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH...SO...HELP....ME....GOD"

on the word "god" she is dead and I push her corpse over disgusted at the ease of her death.

Angry at first like I'm about to bitch about the lack of a true struggle:

"I MEAN.....(look at her face and my expression changes to wonder and understanding) you...do believe me, don't you. (as I push hair away from her dead face)

My expression quickly changes to disgust again

"you" (I spit on her corpse) "of all people"

I kick the corpse and walk off scene.

the back story I came up with, well the short version: I'm psychotic and hate the dog...so I kill it. I try to convince the owner of the dog (the other roommate) it was an accident, but she knows it wasn't, so I decide to kill her. RM1 is not aware I killed the other roommate but IS aware the dog died in my care. When I came in I was wiping dried blood off my hands that I had missed earlier.

ANYWAYS the entire thing is hard to put into text but over all it is the gist of how I did my performance. Fun right?

Monologue Class

2010-05-20T23:50:00.002-04:00

Class went well tonight. Better than I expected. The response I got from my piece was WAY awesome compared to what I thought about it myself.

After my performance one of my class mates commented: "I would have never thought to portray it like that, really good, I liked it...a lot!"

To which my instructor commented: "That's why your work is so great to watch. You really set yourself out there. Your ability to take risks is really exciting."

Everyone seemed to have good things to say about my ability to be "crazy in a psychotic way", "creepy", "scary"...a few other things were said I can't remember. But seriously, I am flying high tonight.

After class I was talking to my instructor and asked if anyone could see me shaking like a leaf during my performance. She thought I was kidding and had no idea how terrified I actually was. Which was such a relief because I always think my intense fear of failure shines through more than anything I could ever portray.

Anyways that comment about "that's why YOUR WORK is so great to watch." Goes with the other 2 best compliments I have ever received! I now have 3!!! YAY!

The dietitians can eat me!

2010-05-14T14:39:00.002-04:00

Update on my dietary experiment:

In the last week my caloric intake ranged from 1200-5600 calories a day with an average of 3000 calories per day.

My fat intake ranged from 66-460grams per day with an average of 225 grams per day

My protein intake ranged from 22-300 grams per day with an average of 165 per day

My carbohydrate intake also ranged from 22-300 per day with an average of 70 grams per day.

I DID NOT exercise this week at all.

Based on current dietary calculations of calories in verses calories out, with my base metabolic rate taken into account I should have GAINED just under 2 pounds...

I LOST 8.2 pounds.

here is the average percentile break down of calories from the last week:

FAT 69% of calories
saturated 21%
polysat. 7%
monosat. 25%

CARBOHYDRATE 8% of calories

PROTEIN 23% of calories

7 days...8.2 pounds lost.

Dietary fat it's whats for dinner :-)

Free Stuff!!

2010-05-09T17:42:00.003-04:00

So if you fill out a little thing with your mailing address and email you get 3 free atkins bars (which are absolutely delicious if you eat low/no sugar protein bars) a carbohydrate counter booklet, and an Atkins program break down. You also get free unlimited access to the Atkins website, all phases of the Atkins program, recipes, tools,...Anyways I haven't gotten any junk mail from them or anything...so go get your free protein bars!

http://community.atkins.com/security/collectAddress.jsp?rc=FreeBars

Jesus is a Jungle-ist

2010-05-08T00:40:00.000-04:00

awkward moment

2010-05-06T23:32:00.002-04:00

So I'm trying out my own nutrition program on myself. I will go into detail later, but basically it is 10% natural occurring carbohydrate, 30% natural unprocessed protein, 60% naturally occurring fats. ANYWAYS that limits my choices of take out and drive through. Today I was running errands after work, mailing bills, picking up some groceries and pet supplies when my stomach started grumbling and I was not close to being home.

So I saw a KFC and vaguely remembered seeing them advertising a grilled double down sandwich. Chicken, cheese, bacon, no bun. Not my best choice because it's low in fat comparatively. But not my worst choice from a drive through...and I was really feeling extremely uncomfortable with my imploding stomach.

So I pull up to the dented speaker box where I was greeted with something similar to charlie brown's teacher. I wasn't sure if he/she said can I help you, or can you hold....here's how the exchange went down:

KFC: mmmhhhhhrrrrmmm mmmrrrhhhmmm hhhhmmmmrrrrr rrrrmmmhhhhh

long pause...

ME: what?

KFC: what?

ME: what did you say?

KFC: I said welcome to KFC would you like to try our grilled chicken combo today?

ME: (lol) oh, ok, um no thank you...do you still have that double down grilled sandwich thing?

KFC: No. We don't carry that anymore

ME: Oh ok, thank you

I begin to drive away

KFC: (yelling) I'M KIDDING!! I'M KIDDING!! we have that.

ME: oh (lol) great, I'd like one grilled double down please (shouting 6 feet behind my car at the dented box)

KFC: Well we don't have any made right now. It will take like 7 minutes. You should just come in to wait.

ME: oh....well....no.....no thank you...I'm going to leave now....bye?

KFC: are you sure?

That's when I just kind of laughed and drove away with no immediate food in sight...damn it. It was the most awkward drive through situation in the universe! So I am driving and my stomach is now in full throttle protest of my lack of food (btw I was out of ER protein bars in my car, one of the errands).

Anyways eventually I got some food in Gus and all was right in the world :-)

STOP SMELLING ME!

2010-04-23T18:57:00.002-04:00

I have an uncanny sense of smell. It's almost frightening. I can tell if people mucked up my order at the drive-through with out opening my bag(if it's just my order in the car), can tell if my friends/co-workers have changed shampoos, soap, perfume, lotion, tooth paste, detergent, didn't sleep at home or changed fabric softener. I can tell which pet is near me with my eyes closed and which one isn't feeling well all by smell. I can tell if someone has been in my apt, downstairs, or even in my car without my knowledge.

I have always been extremely sensitive to scent in general, it's good and bad. I get instant headaches in any store or section of a store containing various scenty items. Overly potent aromas make me physically ill (we are talking dry heaving and in extreme cases where I can't escape actual vomit) thank you Liz Taylor for causing me physical pain for over a decade now with your vile life sucking perfumes.

My memories are completely tied to my sense of smell. I am more likely to dislike a person I just met because their scent is associated with some foul memory than the way they look or sound. Scent, Sound, Texture, Visual...in order this is how I associate things. Not to say I am not observant...I am, but visual cues are the LAST thing to register in my brain.

Most people get that I have a sensitive sense of smell once they get to know me a bit. But once someone spends regular time with me, especially in a specific environment, I become a side show.

Constantly bombarded with questions about what combination of scents someone was wearing. Whose piece of clothing is this? Am I getting a cold? What did I change today? Did the dry cleaners wash this instead of dry clean this? Is my order right (without opening the bag)?

Seriously there are people in my life that wager on the outcome. It's amusing, but it can get old quick.

Anyways despite people making light-hearted fun of my ole factory issues ;) I was recently delighted to read that people with "over active" sense of smell have naturally higher cognitive skill and a significantly LESSER chance of brain deterioration with age.

oh and just to clarify I don't go around just "smelling" things or people, it's just the natural scent you catch from, breathing...just clarifying because yesterday someone was trying to see if I indeed had a 'scent' myself...it was very uncomfortable for everyone. No one likes to be "smelled" LOL

Anyways figured I'd share the good word about hyper-scenters!!

friend of mine...

2010-04-17T15:35:00.002-04:00

double take

2010-04-14T21:43:00.002-04:00

As I was sitting on the floor playing with Draaco, Isabella came running out of the bathroom like a mad woman COVERED in white paint head to toe. I swiped her up before she could start rubbing on everything, before I made the 4 steps into the bathroom to wash her off, Lily comes strolling out of the same bathroom, completely clean and primped....she looked guilty. I can't help but to think Lily had something to do with poor Isabella getting paint all over her. "That'll teach you to steal my treasure!"

what's mine is mine!

2010-04-14T12:19:00.002-04:00

In the past 3 years I have been unable to keep (to my self) a strawed beverage for more than 30 seconds. First the straw gets stolen (forcefully stolen), then the lid is taken, then furry heads are helping themselves to my cool cool beverage. The straws and lids become prized treasures (skilfully hidden in the closets or in the broiler)of the thieving bastards, and my beverage cup becomes the best treat game of bobbing for ice cubes ever! Have you ever seen a ferret go full head deep in icy cold beverage? It's a real treat.

I have not had a meal (or snack) completely to myself (at home) in 3 years. Even if it's not something anyone else wants to eat, if it's on my plate everyone has to smell it, step on it, lick it, and then steal some of it to hide. The birds are interested only in any fruit or greens that might be on my plate...but enjoy sitting their dirty little feather butts on my dish anyhow.

I have not had a clear walkway path in 3 years. It doesn't matter if it seems no one is around. As soon as my feet hit the floor suddenly there are ferrets running between my feet causing me to hurt myself to avoid kicking or stepping on them.

I haven't had a shower to myself in 3 years either. Ferrets under foot, birds pooping in my hair, shower time has become less than relaxing or cleansing.

I can only conclude that they are all trying to kill me. Through starvation, dehydration, personal injury, or dysentery (think bird poop in my hair, and ferret hair balls in my shoes).

So if I come up missing please talk to the fuzz-butts and feather-heads. Do NOT be fooled by their innocent appearance and good behavior. It's all an act. Beware, don't turn your back on them...and hold on to your straws!!!

I painted

2010-04-08T22:41:00.001-04:00

I painted my hallway a lovely light blue...finishing the trim and doors tomorrow...photos to come.

HOUSTON... I'M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!

2010-04-07T12:54:00.004-04:00

So today...I managed to casually purchase a 41 acre ranch plot with no restrictions in Nevada...Reno/Tahoe area. Delightfully named Antelope Valley.

Apparently a farm in TN wasn't impulsive or ridiculous enough.

2010-03-31T19:01:00.008-04:00

My day consisted of helping my boss seem cool to his college friends on facebook. My endless witty offensive sarcastic charm is a real asset here at the office. Someone quoting a movie that you've never seen? Don't worry bethany has your back. Don't let your lack of humor and ability stop you from impressing your friends just keep asking Bethany for quotes. As I text this in fact I was commanded:

"whats a funny way to say crooked?"

"I don't know I'm busy."

"well think of something cool for me to say!"

"I'm writing about this you know...."

"Are you facebooking or blogging it? Is it mean? I want to read it? Just so you know if you weren't here I would just look up quotes and stuff online, you just make it faster."

"Uh-huh, that's why you're not cool my friend."

"I'm not cool because I use the internet? I can't just sit around memorizing movies and tv shows all day!"

"OK, can I have tomorrow off so I can memorize cool stuff for you to say to your friends? I have some movies and cartoons I want to catalog."

2010-03-26T10:52:00.001-04:00

Yesterday my boss asked "who was Napoleon's brother?". I answered instantly "KIP!". Epic fail.

at least Ugly Betty has brains...

2010-03-17T23:17:00.003-04:00

My entire life, all I ever heard was how beautiful my sister is. Her beautiful hair, her beautiful teeth, her beautiful eyes, her beautiful eye lashes, etc etc. And she is. She is breath taking beautiful and I'd love her even if she were butt the fuck ugly...however it's not easy when the only people, through out your entire life, that have EVER told you that you're beautiful/pretty is your pretty Mum and your gorgeous sister. It's like when you're grandma says you look nice in her old outfit from 1973, or your skinny friend says you look really good in that halter top (that you are pouring out of). Basically you feel good about it for like a minute, then you realize they were simply sparing your feelings.

Anyways I have always made up for my lack of beauty with my personality. Yep I'm the "funny" girl. That's right, have you got images of frumpy clothes, big glasses, untidy pony tails, buck teeth and bad skin? "HI my name is Bethany, and I am a 'funny girl'".

It's not easy being the funny girl when you come from a gene pool that seems to create mostly beautiful people. Ever see the movie twins? Think Danny Devito. I'm not sure what happened in the whole chromosome lottery, but I do know I was not the power ball winner.

I can hear the masses now "you either get brains or beauty, you must be wicked smart"...not so much. I feel like an idiot most of the time. In fact most days I'm shocked if I can even carry on an intelligent conversation about something other than bodily fluids or sounds. So I won't be winning a beauty contest or become a rocket scientist...Instead I'll be an untitled peon that lives in the attic of a dental office. Excellent. Thanks power that be!

I remember watching Anne of Green Gables...there was a part where Anne was praying that she would some day become beautiful. I always related to her deep desire to be beautiful, and how her hopes would be lifted by someone briefly and then let down in the middle of her awkwardness...How she tried to be beautiful by dying her hair (green). LOL. I don't ever remember praying to be beautiful but I do remember that every time I wished on a star I wished to be very beautiful.

Yes I suppose that's a little shallow. But people have always associated beauty with goodness. Beauty with success. Outer beauty with inner perfection. Beauty was always rewarded with praise from family and strangers alike. It always seemed that if you were beautiful, it was because you were near perfect in every other aspect of your being. I have come to realize obviously that is not the case for most of those, except two....people associate beauty with goodness and people praise beauty. It can be very frustrating.

Anyways it's always been a real challenge for me mentally and socially. Although I admit I am lucky in that I have a naturally strong personality, which helps. And I am whiz with make-up and hair if I have to be. But those don't MAKE you beautiful, they just make you temporarily less ugly. I also have an uncanny ability to somehow fool people into thinking I have the worlds best self esteem...LMFAO I have no clue how that happened since I am the most self deprecating person alive. That is no joke. My head would probably explode if I ever had a positive thing to think about myself...I don't think my brain could handle it...It would be like putting regular unleaded fuel in a diesel engine or something. It just wouldn't work right and eventually explode. POW!

Moving on, my point is that I am starting to embrace the ugly sister status. I mean I will always be wicked funny, but that does not mean I will forever be the "funny girl".

There has to be a place for all of us quasi modo people in the world...and NO the bell tower is not a place! I mean a proper place!! A place where we don't have to stress over talking to people or going out in public as we are because we are physically unacceptable. A place where we don't have to laugh off cruel comments about our lacking beauty. A place where 30 layers of make-up and hair gel aren't required just to pass as "kind of cute" or "acceptable". A place where when someone says "you look nice today" they don't snicker when you turn the corner. A place where when someone says "you look pretty today" you can smile and enjoy the compliment rather than running to the nearest restroom to wipe tears off your face because you think it's a joke. A place to not stick out like a giant hot pink water buffalo in the middle of the desert...

OK, I'm TRYING to embrace it, but I really just want to be beautiful.

Trolololo-man I love you

2010-03-12T17:47:00.001-05:00

http://trololololololololololo.com/

Diarrhea, Diarrhea

2010-03-03T22:30:00.002-05:00

So what do you do when things are slow at the office and your boss notices some funky brown thing on your scrub leg? Your boss makes you look up all the verses to the song "DIARRHEA"

Then your mind begins to linger,
Wrongly saying "Pull my finger"
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

When you're walking like CP3O
and your shit looks like radicchio
Diarrhea, Diarrhea

When you think your friends are joking
but your pants are brown and soaking:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

Now you think you're feeling better
but you keep on getting wetter:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

Toilet paper you need to gather
and your butt worked up a lather:
Diarrhea, diarrhea

When your stomach starts a rollin'
and you're cleaning out your colon:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you're on the seat for hours
and it doesn't smell like flowers:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When the feeling's not that nice
and you have to flush it twice:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you're rolling like a tire
and your intestines are on fire:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your stomach really hurts,
and you know that it’s the squirts:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you're miles from anywhere,
and your bowels just don't care:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you're walkin down the hall,
and you feel something fall:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your chillin’ with your daughter
and you feel the poopoo water:
Diarrhea, diarhea.

When you're fecally obsessed
and it splatters on your chest:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re driving in your Ford
and corn fills up your cords:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re in a Pontiac
and brown comes down your crack:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re sitting in your Chevy
and you feel something heavy:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re in a corvette
and you feel something wet:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re driving in a race
and it flies up on your face:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re driving down the road
and you’re butt tries to explode:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re shifting into gear
and you feel something smear:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re climbing in a tree
and it trickles on your knee:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re swimming in the river
and your butt starts to quiver:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re in the bathroom soaping
and your butt starts the opening:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re rummaging in the attic
and your ass goes automatic:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your bowels are paranoid
and you just busted a 'roid:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you do a little dance
and it's gooey in yer pants:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re lounging by the pool
and your ass begins to drool:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re sitting on the fence
and you’re feeling hot and tence:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you think you passed gas
and it’s wet in your ass:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When it floats down the gutter
and it looks like peanut butter:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your tummy’s feeling funny
and your pants are hot n’ runny:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you're sitting in the class
and its a running down your ass:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your stomach’s feeling sick
and your turd is fast and slick:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re looking at your shoes
and you feel something ooze:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When your stomach kinda hurts
and your anus starts to squirt:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re running down the road
and you can’t control your load:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re running down the hall
and something splatters on the wall:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re dancin’ to the Clash
And you feel something splash:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you are the nervous groom
and you make a fecal bloom:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you smell just like a hog
and you make a liquid log:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you don’t feel like a winner
and your butt blows out your dinner:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you really want to shout
and it keeps on gushing out:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re sitting on the pot
and it’s coming out a lot:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When it sounds just like a horn
and your butt pops out like corn:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re shopping at the store
and it’s dripping on the floor:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re acting like a fool
and your pants fill up with stool:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re feeling kinda funky
and your butt is super skunky:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re filling up your pants
and in a bowleg-cowboy stance:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you start to beg and pray
and your butt begins to spray:
Diarrhea, diarrhea.

Yep this is what I get paid for...

POSTED

2010-03-01T19:27:00.001-05:00

Ferret Property Laws

1. If I like it, it’s mine.

2. If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine.

3. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.

4. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

5. If it looks like mine, it’s mine.

6. If it is mine, it can NEVER be yours.

7. If I saw it first, it’s mine.

8. If I saw it last, it’s mine.

9. If you have something and put it down, it’s mine.

10. If I chew something into little bits, all the bits are mine.

11. If it used to be yours, it is now mine.

12. If it is broken, it’s yours.

13. If it’s edible, it is ALWAYS mine.

*Failure to comply with the above property laws will result in swift and severe action.

rant about size...

2010-02-24T21:41:00.002-05:00

I'm a "big girl". I'm built like an ox. My bones are the circumference of a beer can. My giant feet are like pendulums swinging from my massive tree trunk legs, my hands were designed to grasp war hammers. I have shoulders that can hoist and carry a grand piano without effort. What? your semi-truck broke down? Just strap it to my back and I'll take care of the rest.

Yes it's true, my viking heritage won out over the dainty European Heritage...what joy is mine.

Normally it isn't an issue, in fact I enjoy it. I enjoy being stronger than most of my male friends. And I like how impressed my female friends are at my brute strength (and uncanny endurance for such a big girl). I can get a queen size mattress and bed up to the second floor on my own, I can move a sofa/sleeper into the garage on my own, I can break an apple in half with my bare hands when there is no knife to be found, I can push a parked car a few inches if I get stuck in a parking spot...it's a handy thing really.

BUT having all this wonderful freak genetic make-up makes people assume that since I was obviously made for hard labor, I ENJOY hard labor. WRONG!

I don't work for a moving company for a reason...I don't like moving heavy objects anymore than any other woman. I don't enjoy sweating and grunting, raping or pillaging, waging war with my bare fists, or arm wrestling in bars with giant drunken men on poorly placed bets (ok I might enjoy the last one especially when I take all their money!). But seriously just because I can get 5 sets of giant bookshelves up to your 5th floor apt before you get even one up the first flight of stairs does not mean one should expect it. It does not mean you should even ask! I usually offer anyhow!

So people, stop expecting me to do all the heavy labor. And stop asking me before I have a chance to offer...do you really want to piss off and offend someone like me? I WILL CRUSH YOUR HEAD LIKE A RIPE MELON WITH MY BARE HANDS!!

Look at my horse

2010-02-21T20:25:00.000-05:00

2010-02-20T08:48:00.001-05:00

Quote from my boss: "yeah, the rim gets really slippery when you out lotion on it"

I have a zit...

2010-02-16T23:29:00.000-05:00

...on my face, obviously planning world domination.

DIE CUPID!!

2010-02-13T16:07:00.001-05:00

IF YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT OTHER CHILDREN R SKARY:

http://www.youtube.com/user/katytowell

I love her stuff!!

I can't sleep so here's another post

2010-02-13T03:47:00.002-05:00

I was reading some romantic crap on yahoo and this submission really made me laugh:

How you know he's 'into' you:

He takes one for the team.

“My guy sometimes has tea with me at one of those froufrou tea houses where the china and sandwiches are tiny and there are flowers on everything. All the women are wearing nice outfits, and there he is in his Batman shirt.”
—Crystal Maynard, 31, Belcamp, Md.

The batman shirt really makes this charming...lol

Found this...

2010-02-13T03:10:00.001-05:00

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every 'superstar,' every 'supreme leader,' every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam" -Carl Sagan

I found this online and just really enjoyed it.

Am I an adult now?

2010-02-13T02:19:00.002-05:00

When I was younger I remember waking up to birthday surprises and well wishes. Today, two hours into my birthday I was welcomed into my 30s with some delightful birthday diarrhea... Does this mean I am getting older? Does this mean I am finally an adult? Was this the initiation I had been waiting for? What could next year bring????Birthday gout?

Look at my potato

2010-02-11T12:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Lily,

2010-02-10T23:23:00.002-05:00

Dearest Lily,

I love you to pieces...but we need to talk about you being an annoying asshole. You're an annoying asshole. Please stop.

Love,
The servant that lives in your apt (and buys your food, toys, treats...)

P.S. I have no idea how you pooped UNDER the pee-pee pad but it obviously took some effort and planning. Good for you!

how nice :-)

2010-02-07T12:08:00.001-05:00

Someone that joined the facebook group I started sent me an email thanking me for starting it and complimented my name. Then he provided the wikipedia link for it. Kind of cool:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bethany_%28Biblical_village%29

self-check me out

2010-02-05T13:08:00.002-05:00

So I went marketing today and after some serious "GRRRO-CER-IEEES" (That was for you Cafra) I went to pick up some stuff for the fuzz butts and feather heads...OK so this place (that will remain nameless) has like 22 check out lanes...12 of which are self-check...

Now I am a self-check kind of person, because I'm a prepared shopper. I don't get flustered after everything is scanned because it totally slipped my mind that I would need to actually have some form of payment ready. I don't decide to root through my purse/pocket/wallet for that 10 cents coupon that expired in 2003. I don't have 'runners' adding to my purchase at the last minute. I don't ask questions about non-check out related subjects and my small talk is limited to "Hi there/Good Morning and Have a good day/see ya! Hell I even bag my own shit to save time. AND I NEVER get a manager involved while AT THE FUCKING REGISTER!!!!!

So the self-check is perfect for me (oh yeah and I'm bright enough to figure out how to scan and type...crazy). Well it would be...EXCEPT this place was BOMBED. Four manned registers were open...and TWO, count them TWO self checks were open. Now call me crazy, but isn't the point of the self check to save time and create an environment that doesn't need to have an employee at every lane? Am I wrong? WHY THE HELL WERE THERE NOT 12 OPEN?? THEY HAVE 12, USE 12!!

GOD DAMN IT and because there are so many shoppers and they are all jersey women, and jersey women are entitled twits with total lack in wits...they were all trying to use the self check. With their carts over flowing with crap, talking on their cell phones, and waving at the check out people that are swamped and checking OTHER people out, so that they can come over to the self check and check out said idiot women...so she can continue to discuss (on her phone) how they need better employees there, and how she needs her nails done (because 2 inch nails aren't long enough here). Oh yeah and is there a way to have this brought to her car?

YOU'VE GOTTA FUCKING BE KIDDING ME LADY!! I'M GONNA KNOCK THAT FUCKING BUMP-IT RIGHT OUT OF YOUR BIG ASS BOUFFANT HEAD WITH MY FIST!!

Now I'm a nice enough person that usually if someone is having trouble figuring out the self-check, I help them and don't mind provided they aren't completely insane. I could not bring myself to help the woman in front of me...hell she couldn't stop babbling about nonsense on her phone long enough to offer....so I stood there seething in my own cesspool of hate and anger. I could feel the adrenalin rushing, my ears were hot and my entire body was tensed and ready to clobber her with anything and everything at an arms reach.

I had 4 things....at self check...35 minutes and probably several mild strokes later...I scanned my 4 items and cursed my way home.

Solutions:

Open more lanes and refuse to check out people at those lanes. Hey and while your at it, how bout all you people shopping stop being total douche bags!!!

ACK!

Some days the stupid just blinds you.

computer clicks

2010-01-13T21:24:00.004-05:00

Today I was standing around wasting time at work, watching my boss play on facebook when he asked me "what's all this crap here?!" he was pointing to the side of the screen that is mostly filled with advertisements.

"I told you before, they are just ads...no one really wants to know if you like vanilla better than cherry"

Then my boss very matter of fact and annoyingly yelled "NO! I KNOW HER! WTF IS ALL THIS?!"

I continue to explain that it is simply suggesting that he "Reconnect" with her since there hasn't been any communication between them lately.

"Well I don't want to talk to her! She's stupid and I don't like her staring at me."

"Ummm isn't she one of your friends...you know on your friends list even?"

"She's still staring at me"

JUST CLOSE IT ROB!! HIT THE LITTLE 'X' NEXT TO THE PHOTO"

"When I close it another one comes right up!! But a different person!!"

this is when I start ignoring him and pretend to be engaged in deep thought while looking at the appointment book...mostly thinking 'is he really this retarded? Does this really require my help? why is he even looking on the ad sleeve? yep he's retarded'

The next 15 minutes involved a lot of fast clicking. Followed by a deep sigh of frustration. He had obviously been defeated by the facebook gods.

Seriously...this is my life.

A MOUSE FARTED IN THE BASEMENT READ ALL ABOUT IT!!

2009-12-25T18:06:00.003-05:00

Secrecy. It's the only way to go. Everyone in my family is very secretive and private about MOST things. Important things are very secret. It's funny the things we are comfortable being in the open; exotic piercings, pooping issues, anger management, foot fungus, the kinds of things most people wouldn't really want everyone knowing about, well we're ok with.

But as soon as it's something important, life threatening, or kind...we are like the fucking CIA. There's a reason for that...because as I said before, I mention to my Mum I have explosive diarrhea, the next thing I know I have voice mails from my sister asking how my ass is doing. Facebook get well messages, pass around a card at a family gathering offering poop support, and a package with the book "Everybody Poops" included with pepto and other "stomach" tonics.

We have to be private because news travels fast and nothing is taboo...NOTHING. I could tell you the most intimate details pertaining to the most personal of things that some how made it through the family...that "some how" is telling ANYONE you're related to.

We all do it. We pass a long the gossip and an un-verbalized message warning you about letting any information leak from the vaults.

People that start to get know me well and get close to me are always amazed at how private and secretive I really am. Often commenting on how skilled I portray a mostly open book person with just the right amount of intrigue. Then they realize that "intrigue" goes deep...49 stories deep with barbed wire, armed guards, and attack dogs. Nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out!

Accused of not letting anyone in...which isn't entirely true. If I trust someone, all they have to do is ask a direct and specific question, and I'll answer it truthfully and directly...but I openly admit I never volunteer information. Or when I seem to be volunteering information, it's usually a roust to change the subject or make someone feel they've won to prevent any frustration on their part. lol it's complicated.

I'm really talented when it comes to deceit in all it's forms...I have concluded it's genetic.

my so-called life...

2009-12-25T17:34:00.002-05:00

Back in the mid 1990s there was a show called "My So-Called Life" starring Claire Danes. During this time, several of my peers (and people I have never met) had commented "You remind me of that girl from 'my so-called life'".

This annoyed the piss out of me. First of all because I didn't watch the show (I think it was on MTV and ran during Sea Quest...don't ask) and secondly I was not reminding anyone of anyone...if anything she reminded people of me damn it all to hell!

I mean sure we had the same fashion (non)sense, same hair cut (which by the way is a great cut for me) and color...but still...no!

So my current friend used to love that show and has the episodes on DVD. So I watched them on her suggestion.

OK seriously why the hell didn't I watch this then?! It is soooo 90s spectacular! It would have been a secret guilty pleasure...it really was my life in the 90s.

I had a Brian Krakow...the geeky annoying kid that stalked me everywhere and pined over me. The kid that all my friends would stare at when he just showed up at places that he obviously wasn't comfortable being at...oh poor Drew. The wall flower of my life. Good dependable, trust worthy, devoted, safe, never more than friends, sweet Drew.

AND I had my Jordan Catalano...oh boy did I ever have a Jordan Catalano...Dave. Wicked cool, aloof, bad boy with a mysterious sensitivity, he had the car, the looks, the social status (lol god that sounds funny, but it was true at the time). My affection for that boy was painful...and so contained. That on again, off again, are they friends? are they a couple? are they just fucking? status that everyone questioned...we thrived on it. Oh it was addicting and intoxicating to the point where even when I decided he wasn't good for me (duh) I thought about him constantly, ran into him constantly...if I was in a pitch dark room with a hundred other people and suddenly he walked in...I would have known it...I would have felt it. We routinely would ignore each other around our friends just to prove we weren't THAT into each other...

Good Grief when I watched the episodes all these memories and body sensations came rushing back. I KNOW THAT LIFE!!

I even had the crazy friend from the most concerning home life, and the gay male friend that everyone was whispering about.

I'm pretty sure my parents sold my teenage life story to MTV.

Anyways, it's a good show...or it was a good show that really captured the spirit of the teenage world in the 90s.

The similarities are uncanny...I wonder how many people feel the same way.

I'm Weird...SUE ME!

2009-12-19T00:49:00.003-05:00

So I'm pretty weird...it's true. For as long as I can remember I've been ever so slightly "off". Some people say crazy, unique, interesting, spirited, genius, creative, mentally ill....it goes by many names...but weird pretty much sums it up.

ANYWAYS, As a youngster I learned to quickly embrace this oddness because trying to not be odd made me more odd...so embrace odd, but try not to go over board until you've dazzled them with your charm and wit, right. Yes that seemed to worked once I worked out the kinks...from 2nd til mid 6th grade I had maybe a total of 2-3 friends that were barely considered such. Yep I was THAT kid...there were some serious kinks to work out but finally found a good balance.

About 10%-20% of my weirdness is open for the general public to see (based on situation of course). I am an ice burg of weirdness... floating along... in a frigid sea of normalcy. This, I presume, is why I need so much "Me" time. Don't get me wrong I love to be around a lot of people, but I NEED time to myself to "unload" my weird.

Seriously...I think if I had hidden cameras in my apartment...the government would study me. Even though I like to think of my bizarreness as part of my charm, it can be overwhelming and a lot to deal with...even for myself some days.

Ok so with all this weird going on in my every day life it's easy to put things out of my mind that don't really strike me as being uber odd. I do something crazy and it slips through the cracks in my brain and gets buried in Bob's basement bargain bin of oddities (a.k.a. my brains long term storage area).

I've recently reconnected with some casual friends from my youth...and to my horror, all 3 of them had stories that went something along the lines of "I remember that time you...blah blah blah...that was so crazy! You were so weird!" And I'm like "ummm how the hell do you remember THAT?"

I mean seriously, with all that's going on people associate me with health class strikes, student council revolts, bringing my dog to school (that one time), wearing pajamas to gym class and super gluing rhinestones to my face...and lets not forget the walkie talkie incident.

I've done much weirder things...things worth remembering!! REALLY I HAVE!

Anyways it amazes me the stupid things people remember...or at least the first things they bring up.

Just in case anyone needs some new not-to-over-the-top associations for me:

I'm about to turn 30 and I have space robot bedding, a darth vader helmet and tin marvel lunch box on the bed side table. I live in an attic, yet I constantly read home improvement books even though I own no home...or tools. I've been measuring for shelves for almost 7 months...with no end in sight...I really don't see any true shelf buying opportunities in my near future, but I find I measure for them at least 3-4 times a week. My bathroom still isn't painted properly...it's purple. I buy tang in 3lb bulk canisters. Every time I buy underwear I have to convince myself it's not a waste of money...even though it is.

have at it

2009-11-17T19:56:00.001-05:00

It is more important to know I am moving in the right direction than it is to strive to do everything perfectly and meanwhile make myself miserable. :-)

It's amazing...

2009-11-14T18:15:00.002-05:00

It's amazing to think that just prior to my 30th birthday I have bought my very first washing machine. I had one in my first apartment, but that apartment came furnished...so I couldn't take it with me when I left (bastards). I have lived in places that had machines available for a fee, or I shlubbed it to the laundro-mat, or when I lived at home would use my Mum's...

It's just funny to think that after almost 12 years of being an "adult" I finally managed to do laundry in my own place...well with out manual labor or vigorous cranking involved (lol, if you don't know, don't ask). I hope it doesn't take another 12 years to get the dryer ;-)

P.S. Modern day convenience appliances pretty much freaking rock!

vikes and borax

2009-11-13T16:03:00.002-05:00

So my laundry supplies came in today...which included: 6 bars of fels-naptha, one box washing soda (sodium carbonate), and a box of borax. I played kitchen chemist and mixed up the recipe for the 5 gallon bucket of concentrate...now I wait lol...I also managed to store all of the "extra" ingredients in one of my 5 gallon buckets for later use.

I'm high on pain killers...let me rephrase that...I'm half asleep and stupid groggy on pain meds. I never understood the purpose of "downers". If I was ever going to spend my money on a drug the last thing I want it to do is put me to sleep. KEEP ME AWAKE SO I CAN ENJOY THE RIDE MAN!! Recreationally of course.

The ferrets are thieving and the birds are squawking...I'm going to bed.

2009-11-11T01:50:00.001-05:00

These obnoxious, greedy, critical douche bags on house hunters do NOT deserve these homes!!! ACK!

Sometimes...

2009-11-10T20:48:00.002-05:00

...eating dinner by oneself, buck the fuck naked, out of the pan, fighting off thieving ferrets, while watching cartoons is the only way to heal from an 11 hour day after 5 days of stay-cation.

P.S. The ferrets actually don't like left over frito pie...they just like to steal and hide the corn chips...which I have to find later...otherwise I always allow them to help themselves from my plate.

comfort casserole

2009-11-06T17:59:00.002-05:00

I have wicked PMS...I will eat this out of the baking dish tonight:

Bethany's comfort casserole:

Soy crumbles or soaked (overnight) lentils
1 can campbells mushroom gravy (you could use a can of cream of soup here)
1/2-1 can full fat soy milk, or reg milk (use the whole can if using lentils)
frozen veg's of choice
tater totts

oven at 400

in a shallow (2-3in deep) casserole (I use 6 serving size) drizzle some olive oil, top with a thin layer of frozen crumbles or soaked lentils (you can sprinkle seasoning on this layer...salt/pepper/veg onion soup mix)

top this layer with a thin layer of frozen veggies

top this layer with a single layer of frozen totts...do NOT be tempted to line them up in a straight pattern.

mix gravy(or condensed soup) with the soy milk and pour evenly as possible over the totts.

bake for 30 minutes at 400...do not open oven...then turn heat down to 350 and bake 30 minutes more without opening oven.

let cool 10-15 minutes

eat it

I AM OBSESSED

2009-11-05T16:46:00.001-05:00

I have become obsessed with the show/family 18 kids and counting/the Duggars. I know it goes against all of my feminist sensibilities...BUT they actually share a lot of my basic life principles...which is totally odd...anyway I am enjoying the show and their book to my surprise!!

Go Figure!

Laundry Detergent on The Cheap

2009-11-03T23:01:00.002-05:00

Ok so here is a recipe for uber cheap laundry detergent. You can get all the ingredients online, enough for 5+ full recipes for under 30.00 (I paid $26.00) including shipping...oh yeah that's 3200(+) loads worth. :-)...that's less than 1 cent per load!!!!!!!

Buy it all here: http://www.soapsgonebuy.com

(they even have pre-organized "kits" for those that are less excited about this!!)

4 Cups - hot tap water
1 Fels Naptha soap bar
1 Cup Washing Soda (Don't use baking soda!! It must be sodium carbonate!!)
1/2 Cup Borax

Grate soap. Add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves.

Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

Machines- 1/4-1/2 Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

Just go to the site and type in each item on the search bar...be sure to buy the regular borax, not the boraxo...and keep it away from the pets, not that you would allow your pets to eat soap or anything, but special care to keep borax away...as it is used as a pest control.

*I found this recipe on the internet from various "cheap/frugal" sites.

People are dumb...

2009-11-02T21:04:00.001-05:00

and I smell ice cream

reconnecting...

2009-11-01T17:44:00.002-05:00

I have decided it's time to reconnect with my family. I needed a very long hiatus from family. I have been thinking about it for a while now...and today I heard something that really made sense. "Forgive those who have burdened you, before they ask for forgiveness"...or something close to that.

For the people that have wronged me, I forgive you unconditionally.

For the people I have wronged, I forgive myself unconditionally.

Feelings of inadequacies may always haunt my spirit...but they will not break me.
Criticisms may penetrate me...but they really have NOTHING to do with ME.
I am doing what's right despite others agendas.

I'm finally healing. :-)

please...

2009-10-28T22:30:00.002-04:00

POOP IN THE BOX LILY!! Not outside of the box, not partially ON the box, not on something that might look like a box, not on my (super force) lunch box, but IN ONE of the 9 little boxes filled with litter for your very pooping pleasure...no one else seems to be having this issue. Make it happen!

2009-10-26T21:09:00.000-04:00

Dong where is my automobile?

It's ok if you're single, provided you're not old...

2009-10-25T19:24:00.002-04:00

and it's ok to be old provided you're not single...

I was having a manicure a couple weeks ago at a new salon...The manicurist was telling me all about her life, her family, husband, and her daughter. Her daughter that is FINALLY engaged. How she feared her daughter would never get married and start having babies. Being the nice girl that I am, I humor all of this nonsense.

Her ancient daughter is 23...an entire year out of college and not married! What is the world coming to?! A 23 year old not married?! She must be a devil child! After a good 15 minutes of this conversation she does her best to engage me into talking about my personal life:

"you have boyfriend?" she asks

"no" very matter of fact I pronounce

"plenty of time, don't need boyfriend until you're finishing school"

"umm...I'm 30"

"THIRTY! oh I thought you were 19 or 20! I never guessed 30! I should have asked if you had husband!"

God Damnit.

2009-10-24T18:48:00.001-04:00

Blogging: The anti-social way to be social

2009-10-24T16:49:00.000-04:00

My life is not very interesting. Most months come and go with little interest. BUT, SOMETIMES, something really hilarious, annoying, or sad happens and I think to myself "If I had a blog, I would...blog about this".

Nothing of interest is happening at the moment.